Push-ups, Trauma & Healing

Two years ago today I ruptured the C5/C6 and C6/C7 discs in my neck. I’m not exactly sure what caused it… that epic mountain bike crash in Chattanooga? Possibly. The shallow dive at Lake Martin the summer before? Could be. Years of heavy weightlifting with a stint of CrossFit at the end? A valid culprit for sure. The most probable answer? All of the above… 

For weeks pain radiated from the center of my back, across my left lat and shoulder, down my left arm and into my thumb, index and middle fingers. I was miserable. Over time the pain gradually subsided and five or six weeks in, it became manageable. That’s when the atrophy set in. Leaving the office one day, I reached out to push the front door and my tricep gave out. Nerve damage had caused such pronounced weakness in my left arm that I couldn’t even open a door. I’m a really active guy, so when I suddenly found myself barely able to do a pushup or a pull-up, the panic set in. Fast forward a few weeks and I had lost 90% of the muscle mass in my left pec, lat and tricep. I was half the man I used to be… literally. 

[Pause]

Can you relate to standing in front of the mirror and viewing an unrecognizable version of yourself? (Hint - this is a metaphor, not a post on fitness) Trauma, whether self-inflicted or forced upon us, is a reality most humans experience in one way or another. We hit life and sometimes life hits back. The culmination of negative experiences, costly mistakes and seasons of loss can leave their mark. Maybe you’re in the middle of your trauma and the pain is unbearable. Or it could have been years ago and though the pain has subsided, you’ve lost your nerve and some part of your soul has atrophied. You wonder, is this it? Is this me forever? Will I ever be able to function normally again?

I have news for you: 

YOU CAN HEAL. 

[Back to the story]

A wise surgeon advised me to trust my body and be patient. Day after day I went back to the gym and did what I could. One pushup became two. Two became five. I weekly tested the strength of my weak side and compared it to the good. Progress was agonizingly slow. Two years have passed and I’m around 85% recovered. That’s only 0.1% improvement each day! Some days I’m frustrated. But there are moments, like one last week when I completed a pretty difficult workout, that I recognize how far I’ve come. Two years ago I could only do one pushup. Last Tuesday I did three hundred.

Healing is literally in your DNA. You are wired - body, soul and spirit - not to just endure or survive but to OVERCOME. If muscle tissue that’s broken down can heal stronger than before it was torn, how much more so the soul! Whether you are sixteen or sixty, there is a healthier, more vibrant and whole version of you beckoning you to change.  Be brave enough to look into that metaphoric mirror and then be honest with what you see. Give yourself massive grace for where you are. You’ve come so far! Now choose to heal and start taking steps. One pushup will become two and two will become five…